luvyrpet
enthusiast
Posts: 2104
Loc: Allen
Reg: 09-11-05
|
 06-23-08 10:49 PM - Post#50663
I have a 14 year old Daughter.
At what age did you, your siblings, your children start to date?
Did you or your children go as groups first?
Did you drive your children everywhere sorta like a third wheel? Your parents with you?
Let me know at what age and why? Boy or girl, both, and what was the difference between them, that helped you make these decisions.
We are NOT ready to let her date, but I wanted to hear others ideas.. etc
|
V-Girl
enthusiast
Posts: 2888
Loc: Allen, TX, US
Reg: 07-12-01
|
06-23-08 11:02 PM - Post#50666
In response to luvyrpet
C is not allowed to date. EVER. We can have her watch her little sister and my kids while we go out if we need to occupy her Friday and Saturday nights.
Crazy doesn't even begin to cover it. 
Will work for shoes!  |
|
luvyrpet
enthusiast
Posts: 2104
Loc: Allen
Reg: 09-11-05
|
06-23-08 11:12 PM - Post#50671
In response to V-Girl
LOL! Well, we will lock her up if we could.
We don't allow her to call boys, period.
She is already 'going out' with a boy, and when we went to Summer Sounds tonight, he was there .. so, we couldn't tell him to leave, we have no right, however, we did keep and HUGE eye on her. S, wasn't to far behind, and was reporting .. LOL
So I know at some point we have to make a decision..
|
ReadingRainbow
enthusiast
Posts: 773
Loc: Allen
Reg: 10-19-07
|
06-24-08 12:35 AM - Post#50683
In response to luvyrpet
Alex will be allowed out on group dates/parties when she is 14 and unless it is a public place there had better be an adult chaperone. Full dates when she is 16. Of course I will try my hardest to dissuade her from dating in the meantime. I really REALLY don't want a pregnant teen on my hands.
She already has a boyfriend now (well HE says he isn't...but he's only 9 LOL) that comes over to play often. She told him she will marry him, but she doesn't want his last name. That's my girl! *grin*
| Want to change your life? Visit www.acocares.org and learn how YOU can change your life by helping others! |
|
MsAlyce
enthusiast
Posts: 4392
Loc: Allen,Texas,USA
Reg: 04-03-04
|
06-24-08 07:25 PM - Post#50780
In response to luvyrpet
I think you will find it interesting when you get the definition of "date". I hear this bantered about at the center all the time. At the center it means they will play two square, or want to be on the same dodgeball team. It also means giving her/him the paper flower made in arts & crafts. That's what they mean by "dating".
I started dating my first husband in 9th grade (our H.S. was a 4 year school). We went on group dates for more than a year. We dated all through High School, went to college together and married. Total years spent together, 17.
I think that parents must communicate with their teens, give them solid guidance, and be there when things go bad. AND NEVER SAY "YOU ARE YOUNG! GET OVER IT!"
"Mom" to 80+ children @
Exclusively Before & After, Inc.
972/390-7162
alleneba.com |
|
Tough 75002
enthusiast
Posts: 744
Reg: 11-17-04
|
06-25-08 12:42 PM - Post#50928
In response to luvyrpet
Hard fast rule when I was growing up was double dates at 16 and sophmore year.
For my boys, it will be 32 and over my dead body.
|
campbellfam
enthusiast
Posts: 1849
Loc: Allen, TX, USA
Reg: 07-12-02
|
06-25-08 12:54 PM - Post#50929
In response to Tough 75002
15-16 group parties, dates
17 single dates
BUT we weren't allowed to go out on school nights and during summer 10pm curfew on weeknights (unless I had to work later) and 12am curfew on weekend until I was 18. I tried to test them once and they put a "for sale" sign on my car, never tried again.
My kids will probably have the same rules, although hubby thinks those rules are too liberal, lol.
| Unless specified above, this post is not directed toward anyone in particular. |
|
luvyrpet
enthusiast
Posts: 2104
Loc: Allen
Reg: 09-11-05
|
06-25-08 06:57 PM - Post#50995
In response to campbellfam
Thanks,
That sounds about what I did growing up too.
About a year ago, C started getting the phone calls, and one even asked her to go somewhere. I think that is what started the whole thinking process for hubby and I.. to me, it sounded like he said "why can't she go on that date?" .. and I said something like "not until she is 32".. then turned into an argument..
now a year later .. I have won ..
He sees what I have been talking about. Remember, I WAS a girl before, and I KNOW what boys want .. so I will do whatever it takes to not let her get into any situation she knows better than being in.
So, that means, no dating, alone, until 16-17 (or later..like 32)
|
RayW
enthusiast
Posts: 1230
Loc: Allen, Tx, USA
Reg: 12-18-01
|
06-25-08 11:15 PM - Post#51027
In response to luvyrpet
My daughter will be 15 next month. A few weeks back she asked me if she could go to a concert with a male friend. I told her absolutely no way and went on to explain the evils of the male mind. At some point she said “Dad he’s gay”. This stopped me cold in my tracks for about 2 seconds and then I said “oh…ummmmm.. ok”
I am not a cat man, but a dog man, and all felines can tell this at a glance - a sharp, vindictive glance.
James Thurber
|
|
luvyrpet
enthusiast
Posts: 2104
Loc: Allen
Reg: 09-11-05
|
06-26-08 08:03 AM - Post#51037
In response to RayW
LOL!!
however, that could be a cover up, I saw that on George Lopez! She was 'going out' with a guy, and the family saw the 'boyfriend' out with another guy, and they asked her, she admitted he was gay, and they found out she was dating the guy they told her to stay away from .. LOL
|
Tough 75002
enthusiast
Posts: 744
Reg: 11-17-04
|
06-26-08 12:01 PM - Post#51070
In response to luvyrpet
Wall Street Journal Article onthe subject...
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB12143480705 5501441...
|
luvyrpet
enthusiast
Posts: 2104
Loc: Allen
Reg: 09-11-05
|
06-26-08 03:34 PM - Post#51113
In response to Tough 75002
oohh, some good reading!
|
denisew
Community Expert
Posts: 9241
Loc: Allen, TX
Reg: 02-18-02
|
06-26-08 04:20 PM - Post#51122
In response to luvyrpet
luvurpet - I have to tell you that I was shocked one day while waiting for my oldest son after school over at Ford MS when I saw a boy and girl in the parking lot on the east side of school hugging and kissing in public! In my opinion that is just too young for stuff like that, although I am aware that other things start at young ages too.
We allow our son to go to the school dances and hang out with his friends, but no dating yet. I know he is going to a girl's birthday swim party this summer, but her parents will be present along with a host of other friends. We know he is interested in girls, but not ready to date yet. We'll see what happens when he starts over at Lowery. Right now, he is more interested in hanging out with his friends. Oh, and eating. I just can't keep enough food in the house for him and he is tall and skinny!
As far as rules of dating when I was that age . . . I dated someone my freshman year, but it was always with parental supervision since neither of us were driving yet. After that it was mainly group dating, but by the end of my junior year and into my senior year, I was going on single dates. It was usually to see a movie or something. I was working a part-time job, so there wasn't a whole lot of time for dating between the job and school. I did have curfews too and couldn't date on school nights. I think standards like this will probably be the same for my boys.
|
civicminded
Community Guide
Posts: 9574
Loc: Lone Star State
Reg: 04-24-02
|
06-26-08 06:13 PM - Post#51134
In response to luvyrpet
This isn't directed at your case, as I don't know your daughter. I realize you didn't say you considered letting a 14 yo date, and I would certainly not do that. Of course almost any age is a no brainer for friendly gathering at movies and activities as long as parents are involved.
What people might consider just in case they don't know of these things, is what happens when you're out of sight. Certain homes have provided unsafe activities for kids even with owner/parents involved. Also a common thing with kids in this age group, even in Allen, is kids meeting up with someone else after they leave home. The kids walking around in Allen are often out too late, or with others I suspect they shouldn't be with, like little groupies. This isn't new of course, but is real life.   
|
luvyrpet
enthusiast
Posts: 2104
Loc: Allen
Reg: 09-11-05
|
06-26-08 08:06 PM - Post#51156
In response to denisew
I agree!
This is the way I was thinking as well. I guess I am not the only one that thinks like this.
|
luvyrpet
enthusiast
Posts: 2104
Loc: Allen
Reg: 09-11-05
|
06-26-08 08:10 PM - Post#51157
In response to civicminded
Nope, we haven't even let her go in group 'dates' with/without boys.
However we have allowed her to attend the school dances at Ford Middle. And I was a chaperone 2X (she went there for 7th and 8th grade) .. and I KNOW what boys are thinking .. I even had to have a girl pulled off the floor and sent home .. she was behaving inappropriate, and the boys were 'dry humping' her!!!!!!!
|
civicminded
Community Guide
Posts: 9574
Loc: Lone Star State
Reg: 04-24-02
|
06-26-08 11:43 PM - Post#51200
In response to luvyrpet
Good for you. 
|
wetvet
enthusiast
Posts: 582
Loc: Allen
Reg: 02-26-07
|
06-27-08 10:02 AM - Post#51243
In response to civicminded
This is a great discussion as I have 4 girls with the oldest being 15. The big shock came when the boy who had been calling my oldest turned 16 and got his driver's license. That opened up a whole new can of worms. However, we have tried to allow for open communication between the girls and me and my wife and I think they tell us more about what's going on than most of the kids tell their parents.
Tracking things on MySpace is also a great way to keep up with what's going on at parties and events that the kids attend because some of the bolder kids post pictures and blogs about what happened.
I think the bottom line is, noone ever thinks their kids are ready to date but if you start off with group settings and slowly dwindle the size of the group, it makes for a lot less of a shock. But then again, this is coming from a guy who has 5 women in the house and spends a lot of time in the garage.
Got Water? We do!!
www.thewetvet.com
Water now available for pick up at 705 N. Greenville, Allen
A Veteran Owned and Operated Company |
|
luvyrpet
enthusiast
Posts: 2104
Loc: Allen
Reg: 09-11-05
|
06-27-08 10:12 AM - Post#51247
In response to wetvet
I think the bottom line is, noone ever thinks their kids are ready to date but if you start off with group settings and slowly dwindle the size of the group, it makes for a lot less of a shock. But then again, this is coming from a guy who has 5 women in the house and spends a lot of time in the garage.
LOL .. I agree! So do you finish all the projects, or just have a lot to keep you busy out there?
I bet you go through TP like the air you breathe hu?
You are right though, our girls talk to us about everything, we started that from day one. You need to, or it could go downhill real fast. They even talk to DAD about everything as well, so they are pretty comfortable with us.
We even made a 'mail box' for those sensitive things that the girls want to bring up, but don't know how? Maybe embarrassed to say something, so they leave us mail. Then we can bring it up to them, and talk about it.
|
wetvet
enthusiast
Posts: 582
Loc: Allen
Reg: 02-26-07
|
06-27-08 10:37 AM - Post#51251
In response to luvyrpet
The mailbox idea is a pretty good one. The girls obviously don't tell me nearly as much as they tell their mom but they are still pretty open. I can't say that I finish any projects in the garage but it is a somewhat quiet "retreat." And yes, we should own Proctor & Gamble stock.
Got Water? We do!!
www.thewetvet.com
Water now available for pick up at 705 N. Greenville, Allen
A Veteran Owned and Operated Company |
|
luvyrpet
enthusiast
Posts: 2104
Loc: Allen
Reg: 09-11-05
|
06-27-08 02:05 PM - Post#51293
In response to wetvet
MailBox, Yep, just went to Hobby Lobby and grabbed some big wooden boxes with a henged lid on it. Painted it their favorite color(s), added a large (already painted) critter on the top with velcro. When there is mail, the critter is on top, when there isn't any mail, the critter is inside.
I think the girls talk to dad a lot more now because they are older - and he now works from home. They have the WII, so they chat while playing. I was a SAHM for most of their life, but because I am gone on and off most days now for work, I don't get the 'first hand' gossip, but we always talk as a family and get to be involved in all the discussions. Even if it is boys, boobs, and ‘other’ stuff .. LOL
|
mspam3
enthusiast
Posts: 2379
Loc: Allen TX
Reg: 03-10-07
|
06-27-08 03:58 PM - Post#51323
In response to luvyrpet
My daughter and I (she's 18) have always had a very open relationship. She was able to come to me with everything. Some stuff I didn't agree with, but I just let her talk. When she told me her best friend was having sex with a 22 year old, we discussed it calmly. Instead of going off the deep end with "OMG!", I asked her if there was anything I could do to help. So by keeping my reactions under control, she knew she could come to me with anything. What I really wanted to do was call that girl's parents!
As far as dating, once she was in 9th grade she started "dating" a guy from class. We have a big entertainment room with alot of stuff to do so our house was always the 'hang out place". So it would be either groups of kids or just her and her boyfriend and we never had any problems.
When the driving started, at first we said they had to stay in Allen and off 75. Then we moved on to driving on the frontage road to get to Cinemark theater. And constantly calling her on her cell phone.
|
mspam3
enthusiast
Posts: 2379
Loc: Allen TX
Reg: 03-10-07
|
06-27-08 04:16 PM - Post#51333
In response to luvyrpet
When our daughter was in 9th grade, there was a place called "The Door" down on lower Greenville or somewhere that became very popular with the teens. It isn't in a very good location. So when she and her boyfriend, who was able to drive, wanted to go there my husband was a little leary. He didn't know of the place but knew the neighborhood and knew it wasn't good. So the only way we let them go is if dad drove them. So they get there and daughter tells dad he can leave and he wouldn't. He sat out in the car in the heat of the night until it was time to come home.
As most of us know, parenting is a full-time job, but they never tell you about all the overtime you have to put in as well.
|
civicminded
Community Guide
Posts: 9574
Loc: Lone Star State
Reg: 04-24-02
|
06-27-08 04:32 PM - Post#51344
In response to mspam3
Good for y'all! Even if you feel safe about their companion, they're BOTH fair game for evil intenders! I see it often enough with all the "mickeys" or date rape drugs out there. It's wise to teach them not to partake of drinks and never leave the beverage unattended!!!
|
luvyrpet
enthusiast
Posts: 2104
Loc: Allen
Reg: 09-11-05
|
06-27-08 06:56 PM - Post#51380
In response to mspam3
I agree!!
I read somewhere how much a SAHM makes in a year .. I guess I could always buy some bonds with that hu?
You're right, I do hope that both my girls will continue to look up to me, and we can still talk about everything.
|
wetvet
enthusiast
Posts: 582
Loc: Allen
Reg: 02-26-07
|
06-27-08 07:51 PM - Post#51393
In response to luvyrpet
If the kids would stick to the script we would be okay wouldn't we?
Got Water? We do!!
www.thewetvet.com
Water now available for pick up at 705 N. Greenville, Allen
A Veteran Owned and Operated Company |
|
MsAlyce
enthusiast
Posts: 4392
Loc: Allen,Texas,USA
Reg: 04-03-04
|
06-27-08 08:19 PM - Post#51402
In response to wetvet
Yes, but they keep ad-libbing!
"Mom" to 80+ children @
Exclusively Before & After, Inc.
972/390-7162
alleneba.com |
|
luvyrpet
enthusiast
Posts: 2104
Loc: Allen
Reg: 09-11-05
|
06-27-08 10:32 PM - Post#51420
In response to wetvet
YEP!
I forgot to read the fine print when I signed up for this job .. LOL
|
civicminded
Community Guide
Posts: 9574
Loc: Lone Star State
Reg: 04-24-02
|
06-28-08 12:01 AM - Post#51431
In response to MsAlyce
And I don't know why they ad-lib, 'cause they "know it all now anyway", right?
|
mspam3
enthusiast
Posts: 2379
Loc: Allen TX
Reg: 03-10-07
|
06-28-08 03:54 PM - Post#51509
In response to civicminded
Yes, they think they know it all. But it doesn't end after they leave home the first time. My daughter just graduated and moved out to live in an apartment and go to college. Great kid but always has been too independent in her thinking. So she saved her money to go to the AIKON convention in Dallas a few weeks ago. (It's a convention where people dress up as anime characters which I think is silly). She overspent and ended up with enough money for rent but none for food. I closed "mom's pantry" and she had to eat Ramen noodles for 2 weeks until her next paycheck came. Of course I did invite her over for dinner twice each week. I am not THAT bad of a mom! So yet another lecture on actions and consequences. She now has a system in place for all expenses, saving and entertainment.
We all try to teach our kids these things at home, but sometimes they only learn when it finally becomes a "hands on" experience of their own.  
|
civicminded
Community Guide
Posts: 9574
Loc: Lone Star State
Reg: 04-24-02
|
06-28-08 04:52 PM - Post#51516
In response to mspam3
True, true, life is the best teacher sometimes. Hard in some cases, but a real eye opener too.
Kinda related, and it may be a new thought for some. Be sure and make kids feel it's OK to call for help or a ride from a situation, rather than than trying to get by on their own. We want them to manage some things, but others still need intervention to prevent disaster. My story about the teenager and the seatbelt is sorta like this. My friend (the girl's Mom) went outside to the accident scene to help (she's a medic). She knew the truck and driver, and was comforting the driver as local responders did their work. Then the young driver called out the daughter's name...only then did Mom realize her 15 year old had been in this disaster! It was too bad to comment on here, but point being, they need to know they can confide in or call and keep parents in their closest circle.
|
brewmeister
newbie
Posts: 10
Reg: 10-30-11
|
10-30-11 11:25 PM - Post#141349
In response to civicminded
Ok, I'll just start by saying that I myself am a teenager. I'm a 16 year old guy at Allen High School. There are some legitimately good ideas that some of you have posted. The mail box? That's great, it really is. But seriously, some of you are being ridiculous. Nothing actually serious happens until high school. If you're kids are in middle school and involved with anything bad, you would know, unless you don't care, which you obviously do, since you're on this forum. And, since you care enough to be on this forum, I'm going to venture to say that you've tried to raise your kids right. And if you've put in the effort, they won't do anything too stupid. Some of you, restricting dating until like 17? That, I have to say, is overdoing it. Kids should be allowed to start dating in middle school, high school at the latest. I'm not saying that you have to push them out the door with a box of condoms and a bag full of weed, but come on. You guys are a bit too suspicious of kids. We're not as bad as you'd think. If you've raised your kids right, they won't drink or smoke or have sex for a long time. So relax, let go of your children, and let them have some fun.
|
pup
enthusiast
Posts: 3933
Reg: 03-29-06
|
10-31-11 07:48 AM - Post#141360
In response to brewmeister
When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much he had learned in seven years. ~Mark Twain
|
MarkH
enthusiast
Posts: 284
Loc: Allen
Reg: 04-18-00
|
10-31-11 10:57 AM - Post#141368
In response to brewmeister
Thank you for sharing your point of view.
|
Tough 75002
enthusiast
Posts: 744
Reg: 11-17-04
|
10-31-11 11:47 AM - Post#141370
In response to brewmeister
Why is a sixteen year old kid using the screen name Brewmeister?
Seriously?
Back to the OP, we have to be strict with you kids because you do not listen or use common sense. There is no way I would let a middle schooler go out on a date.
As much that goes on at that high school, I do not want my high school students going out on dates.
I think Brewmeister, completely solidifies the case for no dating before you are 45.
|
pup
enthusiast
Posts: 3933
Reg: 03-29-06
|
10-31-11 02:24 PM - Post#141378
In response to Tough 75002
Why is a sixteen year old kid using the screen name Brewmeister?
Could be he brews a mean sarsaparilla.
|
brewmeister
newbie
Posts: 10
Reg: 10-30-11
|
10-31-11 03:53 PM - Post#141391
In response to Tough 75002
or did you consider the fact that it's a joke on my name and not at all related to alcohol?
|
ReadingRainbow
enthusiast
Posts: 773
Loc: Allen
Reg: 10-19-07
|
11-27-11 02:52 AM - Post#142708
In response to brewmeister
15 to 16 year olds will do stupid stuff no matter how closely their parents watch/care for them. My parents were (and are) awesome. But I lost my virginity at 14 and got pregnant at 16 anyway, and my son (who they raised) rolled out of a moving car and died at 15 anyway. So at no point should a parent assume they have done enough by being good parents. Kids are stupid and stupid can happen faster than one could ever imagine. "Expect the worst and pray for the best" is how I'll deal with my daughter when she's a teen.
| Want to change your life? Visit www.acocares.org and learn how YOU can change your life by helping others! |
|
ReadingRainbow
enthusiast
Posts: 773
Loc: Allen
Reg: 10-19-07
|
11-27-11 02:55 AM - Post#142709
In response to ReadingRainbow
I thought I remembered replying to this before so I reread the thread and I had. I have to point out now that my son died 1 year and 3 months to the day after that post so my views naturally have changed.
| Want to change your life? Visit www.acocares.org and learn how YOU can change your life by helping others! |
Edited by ReadingRainbow on 11-27-11 03:19 AM. Reason for edit: No reason given.
|
AllenConsumer
member
Posts: 75
Reg: 07-06-11
|
11-30-11 09:59 AM - Post#142827
In response to ReadingRainbow
Mistakes and lessons will happen and they need to but as a parent you can help control their environment. You can teach them young to make decisions early in their life so they don't have to make them when they are teenagers or adults. Most parents are lazy, want to be a friend, want to be cool, and don't want to be patient or be willing to sacrifice for the better of the child. Letting your kid date just one person when they are a freshman or even a sophmore is asking for problems. Group dating, taking the time to meet the kids, discuss with other parents they'll be with, etc. is necessary for the kids to slowly be introduced to the social scene. You stick a kid with another and they follow their hormones and they'll be pregnant by 16 or 17, or you'll see your kid get too deep into a situation they can't quite control.
You as a parent CAN control the environment. Don't ever give me a lame excuse that kids will be kids. NO. Parents need to OWN UP, do the right thing, and exercise good judgment. Teach the kids when they're young what types of situations they'll find themselves in. If you don't, you're not parenting. And remember, you were a teenager once. Draw from that experience of those of others you witnessed. Be bold, be brave, be open, and stick to your guns. You ARE the parent.
And don't dare 'expect the worst and hope for the best' or that mindset will come through the parenting. You expect a high standard, the best they can be, and high morals and you'll get it. I'd take my chances with 'expecting the best' than with 'expecting the worst'. Take charge, be strong, and it'll come through and that's who they'll become.
|
ReadingRainbow
enthusiast
Posts: 773
Loc: Allen
Reg: 10-19-07
|
11-30-11 02:08 PM - Post#142841
In response to AllenConsumer
You are right that we have to teach them as much as we can, and control their environment as much as we can. And I didn't express myself quite the way I intended with "expect the worst..." What I mean is that we can't ever sit back believing that we have taught them enough, or that they are completely prepared for the world. We have to be on the ball, prepared for what stupid things the kids might do despite all we've taught them and hope we can prevent it before things go all pear-shaped. I don't mean to expect the worst of my child; I mean try to anticipate the worst situation (when they rebel, or just flat out make a stupid mistake) and pray that I can stop it.
My son was a wonderful child, youth deacon and drummer at his church, involved in many extracurricular clubs and sports with his school, so smart that he had to take the SAT at 12 to better measure his intelligence, and an all around good person. Who would ever expect him to get so angry that he'd roll out of the car? Now I know that is a possibility with a child, so I can add that to the massive list of things I warn my daughter about.
| Want to change your life? Visit www.acocares.org and learn how YOU can change your life by helping others! |
|
ReadingRainbow
enthusiast
Posts: 773
Loc: Allen
Reg: 10-19-07
|
12-01-11 04:27 AM - Post#142870
In response to ReadingRainbow
My husband (not the father of my son) thought of a better way of explaining things: Kids can't be expected to react the way we adults we do. Never make the mistake of expecting a 17 y/o to react the way a 37 y/o will. We can go out on an a date and do most of the right things. A 17 y/o won't (not by a long shot) and we would be doing a disservice to ourselves and our teens by expecting them to. I think that's the best way of looking at things. 20 years of experience will make all the difference, and no matter how much we try to help our teens--nothing will make the difference quite like years will.
| Want to change your life? Visit www.acocares.org and learn how YOU can change your life by helping others! |
|
WebDeb
enthusiast
Posts: 204
Loc: Allen, TX.
Reg: 03-05-05
|
12-03-11 12:56 PM - Post#142953
In response to AllenConsumer
Very well said!I couldn't agree with you more!! 
My daughter, who is sixteen told me that a parent (a mom) was allowing a "sleep-over" with both boys and girls if you can believe it!
I've noticed, you either have the parents who are the I'm "cool-with-it" types, or, I'm just going to close my eyes and blame everyone else for my kid's behavior.
It's amazing just how lax some parents are when their kids become teenagers.
|
