divamommie
member
Posts: 42
Loc: Allen, TX
Reg: 09-02-05
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10-16-08 08:55 AM - Post#66233
My son comes home and tells me that there's this kid in his class(es) that constantly harasses him and says he's "not poplular and not cool" because my son doesnt have a Myspace page, a YouTube account, or email. He says "Well, at least you have a cell phone."
Seriously? My son is 12. Is Myspace something that parents are actually allowing their kids to use? Are that many parents that clueless as to what kind of language and other filth is on Myspace? I'm not a complete prude, but I dont think that my 12 year old needs to see a bunch of comments from other middle schoolers talking about getting drunk, having sex, and using the F*Bomb every other word.
I happened to check out this bully kid's myspace page, and while HIS page is actually okay, his COMMENT section is filled with bad language, pictures/comments from girls with those "myspace angle photos" (LOL, you know, the photo taken from the mystery person from above, head tilted, lips pouted out). I went to a few other middle school kids' myspace pages, and it's SO disgusting.
Sad thing is that I know of this kids mom. She's on the PTA board, etc.
I have half a mind to call her and tell her that her son is being a complete jerk, but I dont want to be one of "those moms".
Ugh! Advice? Input?
Back "in the day", when I was in middle school, it was Z.Cavaricci pants and other material things that made one "look cool" and "be in"... nowadays its apparently Myspace and other technology. I know it's important to be "in", but I worry about my kids being subjected to stuff that they're too young for, in the name of being popular/cool.
Should I allow a myspace page and just act as a super-moderator? Or tell him that this kid is just being a brat and to forget about him?
Laura Wells
President, The Heart Link Women's Network
Networking Events for Professional Women
The Heart Link Network |
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sco
enthusiast
Posts: 2667
Loc: allen,TX USA
Reg: 10-26-02
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10-16-08 09:00 AM - Post#66234
In response to divamommie
I have a seventh grader. She has a cell phone and an email. In my opinion email is kind of a necessity. That is just the way kids communicate these days. She knows that I have the right to monitor her email and she isn't allowed to open things that come from people she does know. My child does not have a MySpace account. If nothing else you can use the argument that MySpace rules state that they are supposed to be 14 and you don't intend to lie about his age.
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rclark
enthusiast
Posts: 800
Loc: Allen, TX
Reg: 01-16-08
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10-16-08 10:01 AM - Post#66245
In response to sco
I've been resisting even the email address for my eighth-grader, but probably not much longer. I'm more concerned there about viruses from friends than I am about unknown perverts. These kids have no concept of computer security and will click on anything, anywhere. (I removed over 110 infected files from my mother's computer that she shares with her grandkids.)
Once you have a virus, it will often send nasty stuff to every address in your address book. Telling your kids to only open mail from known senders won't protect against this. I'm trying to teach them to demand detailed, personalized subject lines from their friends. "Fwd: Fwd: Funny Joke!!!" isn't good enough.
I think MySpace and Facebook are right out for middle school. From what I've heard of MySpace, I think it should be avoided for all ages. As diviamommie says, the "teen girl photos" are the least of its problems. I'm amazed at what kids will put on their public pages. They just don't realize that the internet is forever. Someday, they may be up for a Supreme Court nomination, and that dumb picture or vulgar quote is going to be on the front pages.
From what my older kids tell me, email is really for old people. Facebook and instant message systems are what they use now. I guess text messaging would be on that list, too, if I would pay for it.
Technology sure makes raising children interesting, doesn't it!
Two plus two equals five, for sufficiently large values of two.
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texmomma
enthusiast
Posts: 481
Reg: 10-02-06
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10-16-08 10:22 AM - Post#66249
In response to rclark
My daughter is in 7th grade, turning 13. There's no way I would let her have a Myspace account. She has a cell phone to reach us after school, but it's one of the loadable ones. She hasn't asked a lot about texting yet, so I haven't approached it with her. We'll cross that bridge when needed. She does have an email account and knows what websites she is allowed to visit (things like Webkinz and educational stuff, we haven't had to deal with im'ing and chatting online yet). She hasn't mentioned her friends giving her a hard time about anything like this.
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jogo
enthusiast
Posts: 1319
Reg: 08-31-05
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10-16-08 10:33 AM - Post#66250
In response to divamommie
My middle schooler has a myspace page. It is private - meaning no one except her friends can see it or any pictures she posts (except for her profile picture). She also doesn't have any personal information available to the public (like her city). However, it is heavily monitored by me which she knows and was the only condition in which I allowed her to get one. She's removed a few friends whose language and/or pictures were inappropriate. We had and continue to have discussions about internet behavior and cautions and consequences. She knows her myspace page will be shut down FAST if she doesn't use common sense and good judgment - and she knows I'm not a parent to make idle threats.
Of course she doesn't "need" a myspace page - but it's a privilege I'm allowing her to have as long as she fulfills her part of the agreement. Plus, it's a great way for me to keep up with her friends - who I don't all know any longer.
Edit - Once she'd had a myspace page for awhile (a few months), she lost most of her fascination with it and only checks it once or twice per week now.
Edited by jogo on 10-16-08 11:17 AM. Reason for edit: No reason given.
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Tough 75002
enthusiast
Posts: 721
Reg: 11-17-04
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10-16-08 10:50 AM - Post#66251
In response to jogo
Ihave a 14 year old who asked me if he could have one.
NO NO NO NO NO!
I like the good old days when kids actually used to get together to hang out and play. There is no need to be sitting in front of a computer all day "chatting" to your bud next door.
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allensince1979
enthusiast
Posts: 1326
Loc: allen, Tx. usa
Reg: 06-18-01
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10-16-08 11:04 AM - Post#66252
In response to divamommie
I happened to check out this bully kid's myspace page, and while HIS page is actually okay, his COMMENT section is filled with bad language, pictures/comments from girls with those "myspace angle photos" (LOL, you know, the photo taken from the mystery person from above, head tilted, lips pouted out). I went to a few other middle school kids' myspace pages, and it's SO disgusting.
Keep in mind that these are the same kids that your son goes to school with. My daughter had a "My Space" in middle school, I was fine with it and I did look at it daily I don't know if she knew it or not. Your son should learn from his examples at home I would allow him to have the "My Space" as long as he knows you'll be reading it too and he shows he is mature enough to use it responsibly.
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ChrisH
enthusiast
Posts: 374
Reg: 07-30-08
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10-16-08 01:04 PM - Post#66260
In response to allensince1979
Just tell you son to reply:
"Myspace is so outdated, your not cool unless you are on facebook"
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workingmom
enthusiast
Posts: 1052
Loc: Allen, TX
Reg: 06-03-04
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10-16-08 01:22 PM - Post#66263
In response to ChrisH
I love it. And actually I think Facebook is a better/safer option. My oldest son had a MySpace and he started getting inappropriate "friend" requests at least a couple of times per week, so he closed his account. Even though he was in college I still monitored his account - I wanted to emphasize the fact that anything he put on the web was NOT private and to drive that home, even his Mom could and WOULD see his page.) It's critically important that kids KNOW that the world wide web is not a personal journal - it's out there and anyone can access their info. So they shouldn't put phone numbers or addresses. And they should only accept friend requests from people they actually know.
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monita
enthusiast
Posts: 374
Reg: 06-05-08
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10-16-08 04:07 PM - Post#66288
In response to workingmom
My kids have an account but It is set to private and I have the password and check the comments, messages and there emails often they have no privacy. It is a personal decission we made as parents but not for everyone.
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mspam3
enthusiast
Posts: 2193
Loc: Allen TX
Reg: 03-10-07
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10-16-08 04:59 PM - Post#66296
In response to monita
From my experience with a teenage daughter and "My Space", I can tell you it doesn't always matter if your child has a private page or not.
When a bully or just a friend who is super mad at you posts things on "My Space", everyone can read it if it is put out there for all to view. Then your child goes to school and hears all the things that are being said about him so he is the last to know and caught off guard.
These websites can be very cruel and can completely dissolve any self-esteem a kid might have if terrible things are said about him. It can ruin their reputation and greatly diminish the quality of life he has experienced in a high school setting.
If you allow your child an account, get one for yourself as others have said here and monitor it closely. If you see inappropriate things being said, try to contact the parent and don't be shy about it.
Your child may well follow the rules that you have in place, but they can become a victim with a click of the mouse.
Not only that, but "My Space" is used by adults as well. My daughter called me over to the computer when she was a senior last year and pointed to a picture of a man on his "My Space" account. She said it looked like *******'s dad and I agreed. He was asking for women to contact him if they were interested in going on a date.
It is a very dangerous world out there for kids.
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campbellfam
enthusiast
Posts: 1849
Loc: Allen, TX, USA
Reg: 07-12-02
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10-16-08 11:29 PM - Post#66332
In response to mspam3
Not a big fan of Myspace but I do enjoy Facebook and we made the decision a few days ago that our oldest daughter (middle school aged) could have an account. She knows I have the password (as well as my own account), monitor it daily and will delete anything I think is inappropriate posted by her or anyone else. My mother, sister and most of my aunts, uncles and cousins also have pages and are our "friends" so we have lots of help monitoring.
Maybe get your own account first and see what you think, if you don't like it tell himit's not going to happen and why.
You can never be too safe when it comes to strangers whether online or in real life, we know that, teach our children that and try to use safe practicing regularly.
As to the boy who keeps bugging your son; we teach our kids to ignore pests and they will eventually go away. The conversations usually go something like this;
child, "He called me stupid!"
me, "Are you stupid?"
child, "NO!"
me, "Well then, what's the problem?"
If you feel the need to talk to the parent, keep in mind that there are 2 sides to every story and maybe approach with an attitude of "Hey, this is what we're hearing at home, do you know anything about it?"
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divamommie
member
Posts: 42
Loc: Allen, TX
Reg: 09-02-05
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10-18-08 09:06 AM - Post#66530
In response to campbellfam
Thanks everyone!
Okay well, I checked this kid's myspace page again and watched one of the two videos he has posted up there on his main page. One is a video of a football play... I had the sound off, but it looked okay. But - one video was the video of "Tourettes Guy". With captioning. Every other word is a cuss word! This kid is like 12 or 13 with videos like that on his main page.
Do parents really not pay attention?
The parent of this kid was a Room Parent last year at the elementary, on the PTA board, etc... ugh!
I guess I was feeling the SAME kind of pressure that my son is feeling - "but other parents are allowing it, so is it okay?". Haha!
Oh well, husband and I decided that the longer we can keep that kind of crap out of our kids way, the better off we all are.
Laura Wells
President, The Heart Link Women's Network
Networking Events for Professional Women
The Heart Link Network |
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Levansfour
enthusiast
Posts: 490
Reg: 05-09-05
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10-18-08 08:29 PM - Post#66604
In response to divamommie
wait till they start High school and then let them join facebook.
My space has lost its edge since facebook came around. Unfortunalty my kids dont share with me there face book info. But heck one is 22 and the other is 20 the other is 18. what did i expect? I do hear news on my neice etc..when they post though so thats cool with me:) Alteast they share that info.
My youngest is in 9th grade and when he asked to do face book i will allow it like the others with shared password so i can keep tabs of things. Also with brothers and sister they can keep an eye out too.
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wilnix16
enthusiast
Posts: 220
Reg: 07-29-05
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11-09-08 12:33 PM - Post#69771
In response to Levansfour
Like someone mentioned before the age to sign up for myspace is 14. I don't think parents should be afraid of myspace or any other social networking sites. To just automatically say "NO" and not take the opportunity to use it as a learning tool to teach some responsibility seems crazy to me.
I do think 12 is a little young. I mean if you sit back and look at it. These kids see each other everyday. I dont understand the point of even having one. It is useful when you leave high school to keep in touch with old friends or as an adult with friends spread out around the country, but for a 12 year old kid? Seems like trouble waiting to happen.
You shouldn't deny the privileges of the Internet to anyone. It can be the best tool to find information on ANYTHING and the younger you start teaching your kids how to use this resource the better off they will be in the future. It's a different generation and kids need to be comfortable on computers for the sake of their own future. I don't think an e-mail would hurt anyone if you monitor and like others have said dont open attachments. It would also be helpful to have some sort of virus scanning software that also prevents spyware, malware, adware, etc. etc.
Goodluck!
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codedes
newbie
Posts: 9
Reg: 11-10-08
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11-12-08 09:49 AM - Post#70153
In response to wilnix16
My daughter is all about facebook. is that really safe??? i dont think so.
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Levansfour
enthusiast
Posts: 490
Reg: 05-09-05
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11-12-08 09:53 AM - Post#70155
In response to codedes
My daughter is all about facebook. is that really safe??? i dont think so.
If you do not think it is safe,why do you allow your daughter to have an account?
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Don4
enthusiast
Posts: 368
Loc: Allen 1993
Reg: 04-11-06
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11-30-08 01:50 PM - Post#71777
In response to Levansfour
Once something has been put on the internet, it's there for ever.
Archives of almost 10 years of Allen Online
( I know it's not complete, but it's the point that it's out there still in some form)
Children and young adults have no trouble mastering the technology of the internet, they simply don't have the life experiences to use it wisely.
Edited by Don4 on 11-30-08 03:23 PM. Reason for edit: No reason given.
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GeekWoman
newbie
Posts: 3
Reg: 11-05-08
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01-17-09 12:50 PM - Post#76051
In response to Don4
My daughter has a MySpace account. I monitor it daily and to be honest it allows me to know who her friends are and what is going on in their lives. They tend to be pretty open in the blogs and you learn a lot about their friends. I also know when anything BIG has occured at school. I don't allow profanity and that's not to say she hasn't used it however, when we have found it she lost her privilidge for a while and also had to remove anything we have found inappropriate. I am an IT administrator and have plenty of ways to monitor her system. I feel that children need to be given the opportunity to use these types of sites and as a parent it allows me a chance to educate her on internet safety. I want to ensure that anytime I find something of concern that I use it as a chance to educate her.
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DrivinTooFast
enthusiast
Posts: 1347
Reg: 02-20-08
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01-20-09 12:46 PM - Post#76339
In response to GeekWoman
Facebook in HS and we have to approve all friend requests. We will begin to loosen our policy about friends towards senior year.
If after establishing the facebook account, your child become disinterested in updaing their facebook you know about, then they have another facebook account/myspace account you don't know about.
I also suggest eliminating or severely limiting texting on your child's cell. Kids are not learning to verbally communicate or properly write a sentance.
If you have not setup parental controls with individualized accounts for your kids, you should. You should be the only person able to make modifications to the operating system, parental controls and installation of software. Additionally each of my kids has limitations on how long and what time of day they can use the computer. I log out when I am done using the computer and they should too.
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